public truth telling
“In becoming forcibly and essentially aware of my mortality, and of what I wished and wanted for my life, however short it might be, priorities and omissions became strongly etched in a merciless light, and what I most regretted were my silences. Of what had I ever been afraid? To question or to speak as I believed could have meant pain, or death. But we all hurt in so many different ways, all the time, and pain will either change or end. Death, on the other hand, is the final silence. And that might be coming quickly, now, without regard for whether I had ever spoken what needed to be said, or had only betrayed myself into small silences, while I planned someday to speak, or waited for someone else's words. And I began to recognize a source of power within myself that comes from the knowledge that while it is most desirable not to be afraid, learning to put fear into a perspective gave me great strength.
I was going to die, if not sooner then later, whether or not I had ever spoken myself. My silences had not protected me. Your silence will not protect you.”
― Audre Lorde
fear:
an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
-Oxford Languages
I’ve been here before.
My body, mind and soul remember every detail about this physical and emotional space. As I sit here now, with my 2021 MacBook Air propped up in my lap, the sun rolling in through the oversized windows finally cuting through the beafy gray clouds that hung in heavy in today’s morning sky. I lounge in this king size bed, in my beloved 450 thread count, Long Staple Supima Cotton with sateen finish piled with extraordinarily comfortable bed with My muscle memory remembers the physical tension. My stomach
The words I type now, while arranged in different order perhaps, and typed out on a
